My journey to motherhood didn’t come easy. My husband and I got married in 2013 on a beautiful fall day in September. We were surrounded by our closest friends and family as we exchanged vows and officially started our life together as husband and wife. It was never a question of if, but rather when we would start our family. After eight months of trying with no luck, I felt in my heart that perhaps there was a problem, and went to see my doctor to get some answers. At that moment I had no idea the adventure that was about to begin.
Here I am, almost eight years later, with three beautiful children (3.5 and under) and that call me Mama. I’d be lying if I said the rollercoaster of dealing with infertility was easy. But I truly believe that God’s perfect blessings come at God’s perfect timing. After countless rounds of failed IVF’s, we pursued adoption (which had always been in my heart). Without question, the best decision I ever made. 18 months after connecting with a private adoption agency, I was holding my precious baby boy in my arms – the one who made me a Mama. The blessings didn’t stop there. Shortly after Jayce was born my husband and I found out we were pregnant, and would be welcoming a beautiful baby girl within months (Jayce was five months old when his baby sister Everly was born). Just when we thought our family was complete, we found out I was pregnant again (a few months before Everly’s 2nd birthday), and in a matter of months, I would be a Mama of three under three.
Every journey to motherhood is unique and compelling. Some of us have more difficult paths to navigate before reaching our final destination, while others follow the straight and narrow, hitting bumps further on down the road. For all of us, however, motherhood is a rollercoaster that brings inexplicable joy and unavoidable pain, making us feel as if our hearts might leap right through our chests. This work is hard, and it’s hard because we care about it so much. In those moments of doubt and frustration, when you wonder if you will survive the chaos for one more day, remember, you are the Mom your kid(s) need. That your best is more than enough and our little people need a present Mama far more than a perfect one.
Remember to give yourself grace, day by day, season by season, challenge by challenge. We rarely believe we can do something until we find ourselves waking up each day and doing it. When you look at my life and tell me things like “I don’t know how you do it,” please believe me when I say it’s only grace. It’s also a messy house and hair that’s rarely done, and pulling clean clothes out of an unfolded laundry basket and little social life and lots of pizza for dinner and forgiveness, so much forgiveness. I also know not everyone’s fertility journey ends up like mine did. I know how incredibly blessed I am to go from nothing to everything in less than four years. But what I do remember is this feeling inside my soul that I would do anything, EVERYTHING, to become a Mama. It didn’t matter if it meant I had to undergo a hundred more needles, speak to one more social worker, fill out one more application or undergo one more procedure. My end game was and always will be to have little people to call me Mama.
This is what my journey to becoming a Mama looks like for me. And whatever your journey looks like, I hope it ends with whatever your heart desires…this journey is, and will always be my greatest challenge, but my ultimate blessing. Happy Mothers Day <3
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