I’ve been working to do things that in my teens and 20s I would not have been caught dead doing, which most of the time involves looking silly in public. It truly is liberating going out and doing the thing that you’re embarrassed to suck at. A few activities that have topped my list of avoidance are skating while there’s others at the rink, cooking for large groups, and sharing my unfiltered thoughts in my writing. The safest and coolest space to test the waters is in front of young children. They love nothing more than an adult who is having fun looking silly and they love to see us learning alongside them. A skill that should never be left behind.
It’s likely that I’m an imposter in a few areas of my life, but some might argue that we all are. Some of us are just more desperate at getting to the good stuff than others. Internationally acclaimed novelist, Shalom Auslander, argues that there is a steep cost to an overly-positive framing of being great at all we do and try. He believes we become frozen, blocked, and fearful of the blank page, blank canvas, or first step, because we think that what comes out needs to be brilliant from the first attempt and every time thereafter. Then of course we get into the self-destructive thoughts of being a terrible writer, athlete, artist, cook, and that we’re undoubtably an imposter.
But aren’t we all imposters? Does anyone ever start at brilliance in all they do? Mental performance consultant and neuroscientist, Dr. Daya Grant believes transformation of any kind requires “heat”, which she describes as a form of discipline. She explains that “we as humans, have a natural tendency to move towards pleasure and away from pain. But that’s not how we grow. That’s not how we transform.”
So, how do we get past the feeling of being uncomfortable and looking like a fool? Well, one way is to “embrace the suck” a military term popularized by former Navy Seal, Brent Gleeson, whose self-help guide highlights ways to thrive on adversity. It’s through the undesirable moments that lead us to a more vibrant life.
Sure, I’m not a great skater, my cooking might be subpar most days, and my writing may at times be bleak, BUT there are days that I make one coordinated, cheeky lap around the ice, a meal that HITS, an article that resonates and those are the days that can only be found from the wreckage of the rest.
Believe even if you’re in the midst of the suck, you are in good company. Beauty rises from the ashes – just ask the flowers.
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