As a mom of three children who are active in sport, I’ve come to realize that sports play an ever-growing role in our family’s life. Whether it’s the baseball field, the hockey rink, or the dance studio, we spend a significant amount of time running from one practice to another, watching our little ones discover their athletic abilities, and navigating the sometimes overwhelming world of youth sports. And let me tell you, there are days when it feels like it’s all about trying to get to the game on time and making sure everyone is fed, hydrated, and still smiling by the end of it. But lately, I’ve been reflecting on a bigger picture that has me both hopeful and determined about the future of my children’s sports journey.
John O’Sullivan’s book Changing the Game has opened my eyes to how youth sports are shifting and how we, as parents, can help redefine the path our children take when it comes to athletic development. If you’ve never read it, I highly recommend it—it’s packed with insights on how the current sports culture, especially the emphasis on winning and focusing on “elite” teams at an early age, may not be setting kids up for long-term success and fulfillment.
Like many parents, we were initially swept up in the excitement of signing our kids up for soccer, hockey, and other team sports. At first, it’s all fun and games—there are laughs, high-fives, and learning the ropes. But soon, we started to notice a shift: the pressure to win, the focus on being part of “the best” team, and the escalating time commitments. Before we knew it, my 7-year-old son’s hockey team had practices that rivaled the intensity of professional training schedules, and my daughter—at 5—was already putting in hours at the dance studio on the competitive team. I started to wonder: When did it stop being about play and start being about performance?
O’Sullivan’s perspective really resonated with me here. He talks about how, in many cases, kids as young as 6 or 7 are already being steered toward specialized sports or elite teams. There’s an underlying assumption that the earlier a child begins intense, focused training, the more successful they’ll be. This drive to push kids into winning at all costs is something we’re seeing across youth sports, whether it’s in our local minor sport organizations or national clubs. But here’s the catch—are we creating well-rounded athletes, or are we just pushing them to be the best at one thing?
This is where I started to rethink my approach. O’Sullivan talks a lot about developing the whole athlete—not just in terms of physical ability, but in building a love for the sport, fostering resilience, and cultivating a growth mindset. The goal shouldn’t be about chasing a trophy or being on an elite team at age 7. Instead, it’s about ensuring kids have the space to try different sports, fail, learn, and most importantly, have fun.
I want my children to grow up with the mindset that sports are a tool for personal growth—not a pressure-filled competition to be the best. I want them to enjoy the learning process, understand the value of effort over outcome, and know that failure is just part of the journey. When they grow older and (hopefully) have the skills and maturity to handle competition at a higher level, they’ll be better equipped to thrive because they’ve developed the mental fortitude to deal with setbacks.
I’m seeing this firsthand with my 7-year-old son. He’s passionate about hockey, but we’re trying to strike a balance between helping him develop skills while also encouraging him to play for the sheer joy of it. And when he stumbles on the ice or misses a goal? We focus on the lesson, not the outcome. He’s learning that growth takes time, and that mistakes are just stepping stones on the way to improvement.
One of the biggest takeaways from O’Sullivan’s book is the importance of fostering a growth mindset in our kids. This is a huge shift from the “fixed mindset” many sports systems are built on, where kids are either “good” or “bad” at something, and the focus is on proving their worth through performance. A growth mindset, on the other hand, encourages kids to embrace challenges, persist through difficulties, and see effort as a key to success.
In our family, we’re trying to instill this mindset at every opportunity. If my kids get frustrated with a mistake or struggle with a skill, I remind them that the best athletes aren’t necessarily the ones who have the most natural talent—they’re the ones who work the hardest and stay committed to learning and growing, even when things don’t go perfectly.
For my 4-year-old, this is especially important as he is just beginning to explore his interest in hockey. While he’s still in the phase of simply stepping on the ice, and learning basic skating skills, I can already see how a focus on effort rather than perfection helps him to stay engaged, rather than frustrated when things don’t click immediately.
So, how do we change the trajectory of youth sports in a way that supports our children’s long-term success and happiness? First, we need to focus on the whole athlete, not just the result. This means we need to prioritize a balance of skill development, enjoyment, and resilience over “winning” or being on an elite team. We need to encourage our kids to participate in multiple sports, try new things, and take breaks when needed. We need to help them develop the ability to overcome challenges, not just win every game.
Second, we need to support their mental growth just as much as their physical growth. The ability to push through difficult moments, stay positive, and keep learning is what will set them apart in the long run—not just raw talent or trophies.
Lastly, we need to embrace the idea that sport should be fun. Yes, competition is important, but so is play. Our kids shouldn’t be stressing about being the best at age 7—they should be enjoying the game, learning from every experience, and finding joy in the process.
As a mom of three young athletes, I know there’s no perfect formula, but with a mindset shift and a commitment to the big picture, we can help raise kids who are not only strong athletes but strong people, too. And maybe, just maybe, by focusing on building them up as individuals, we’ll help change the game for the next generation of youth sports.
In the end, it’s not about winning—it’s about growing.
Join me in this journey. Let’s build athletes, not just champions.
Until next time,
Sonya
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