By Jennifer Bews
Psychologist and New York Times Best Selling Author, Rick Hanson highlights the critical importance of mothering young children. He explains, “that 98% of the occupations in the world are less stressful than being home alone with young children or managing the day-to-day activities.” The cortisol levels that are connected to the nature of stressful activities such as lack of control, being interrupted frequently, along with being with highly dysregulated and emotional people you care immensely about, prove this theory. Hanson says that most jobs, unless you’re an inner-city police officer, or in combat somewhere in the world or a technician in an emergency room setting with tremendous day to day pressure – your job is not as stressful. What we do as mother’s matters MORE on the level of how it effects our precious, vulnerable children.
The weight of sheer pressure and importance of outcomes that mothers feel is heavy. We all want to do the best job possible and yet it feels lonely and isolating. Showing empathy, in a safe and secure space is what we all want for our children. But overcoming our own childhood wounds, sleep deprivation and ongoing domestic chores often feel to work against us. Parenting young children is THE WORK. The work that matters most to mothers and if it doesn’t top the list of the rest of our communities list then when need to rework some things. We want to get it right, but there’s so much to work through on our own. “Conscious, gentle parenting” is on the rise and while majority of mothers are all in on this form of parenting, it’s challenging without a close-knit community structure. The emotional stamina it takes for a job that research has recently revealed as equivalent to 2 ½ jobs can feel unattainable – almost setting up our moms for failure. We say things like, “you’re not alone” or “you’ll get through it” or “I see you”. While it is great to be acknowledged, it feels like empty statements when not followed up with action. We are expected to live as individuals in our society and for mom’s this is a hard reality. As Zoe Blaskey, the founder of Motherkind shares, “No woman has ever had to do so much alone as the modern mothers.”
So what do we do? How do we change things? How can we support our moms? Most support programs tend to offer advice to mothers which does not seem helpful when most are already overstimulated and overwhelmed. We need to encourage our communities to support a mom of young children whenever possible and on multiple occasions. Whether it’s cooked meals, an opportunity to play with her children in their home while she reads a book, goes for a walk or calls an old friend. Chances are she hasn’t done those things in a very long time. Get creative with your support; host playgroups, start a communal garden, get involved with supporting mom’s and their young children. It means a better future for all of us.
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